Am I Still Single Because I’m Fat?

Over 34% of Americans are overweight according to a recent Gallup Poll. Singles who are overweight might ask themselves these questions often:

Am I still single because I am overweight?

In a men’s Bible study a group of single guys sit together and share about struggles in their life. The conversation may start with small issues, like trying to pray more and do better with finances. Then a bombshell drops. The quiet guy in the group who has not spoke much for the last three weeks says he has thought several times of killing himself because he is so large no one will ever date him. With tears in his eyes he goes on to describe ridicule over the years from “pretty” people and being bullied in high school. He ends his emotional prayer request with a simple statement. “Can the group please pray a girl will find me attractive?”


Be Complete In Christ, nothing else.

God wants you just as you are. There are no requirements to accepting Christ as your Lord and Savior, except acknowledging you are a sinner and that you need Him. Accepting Christ makes you complete. Not a physical appearance or a relationship, only Christ.

Media and society push through advertisements, news and even shows that those who find an earthly view of success and have happy relationships are often the “beautiful people.” Buying into this lie only elevates an expectation in life that can never truly be met.

God already thinks you are beautiful. He said so when He created man in Genesis.


You are single because it is His will.

As a Christ follower you allow God to direct your path in the directions you may go. Luke 22:42 urges us to let His will be done and not our own. Staying on His path for your life may lead you to be single forever or for a season. Either way, follow His will. And while not the focus on this blog, that will is for you to be a steward of your body and treat is as a Holy Temple. God wants you to pursue a healthy lifestyle, including physical health, to honor Him and the temple He gave you, not simply to attract a mate.

Quickly after the above mentioned single pleaded his prayer request, a guy in the group who worked out the most often and could easily say he was in good shape expressed his thoughts on the situation.

“Bro. if good looks and working out was all it took to find a women, would I be in this group still?” His comments, while breaking the tension in the air, were well taken.

Outward beauty is not the key to finding a spouse. God is.

WANTED: Tall, blond, skinny, blue eyes, from the south with a college degree…

Singles, we all have “types” when it comes to dating. From even a young age, everyone has an ideal person they think they should date. At a young age, the toy market pushes the “ideal” image of the opposite gender to children. By the time we reach a dating age, we gravitate towards someone without even realizing we have developed a vision of the person we want to date.

But where is God in all of this?

Yes, attraction is important but that attribute alone should not limit what God has in store for our lives. It’s okay to be attracted to a person and experience the desire to be with them physically, emotionally, and spiritually, but if we are guilty of focusing on the first in this list and never consider if the other two attractions align with God’s will, we will miss God’s plan.

The issue we have with online dating, besides the profits companies make from singles looking to date, is the focus on physical attraction more than anything else. In the early 2000’s, a website called Hot or Not existed with only photos of people and everyone voted on whether the individuals were hot or not. For readers a bit younger, this was the precursor to the app Tender that did the same thing using a Facebook profile picture. Physical attraction is what society makes a priority on whether to date someone or not.

But God does not.

Yes, God wants us to be attracted to one another, but more importantly He wants us to be “equally yoked” with one another.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?What accord has Christ with Evil? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? (2 Corinthians 6:14-15)

Our type needs to be God’s type–who He wants for us.

As Believers that means dating other Believers. This is one reason singles groups are a good thing in a healthy church. They give singles a place to connect with other Believers. Although it is not why they exist, it is one benefit.

Singles, look for attraction in others when dating that goes beyond physical attraction. Dig into the emotional and spiritual connection you have. Dating allows a Believer to learn if someone is equally yoked with you in all ways and not just one.

Let your “type” be honoring to God and deeper than a list of physical features, accomplishments, or achievements in one’s life.

Politics and Dating

Do you date outside your political views?

The current hostile political environment in America can affect dating relationships. We’ve heard stories of first dates asking what political party their potential mate is affiliated with. Christians in America are guilty of making a person’s political allegiances dictate their relationship interactions. For that matter, so are non-Believers.

When politics is added to dating, it becomes an even more high stakes game of selecting a life partner.

If you choose to date, politics can matter.

However, that does not mean you cannot date outside of your political party. Political camps have their own values and core issues they tend to address. These are something a person agrees with when they align with a party. However, their political affiliation does not entirely define who they are as an individual. Very rarely do people agree 100% with a political party. Political parties are simply too large an organization with an ever-changing agenda. And, it may be that a person selects a party based off one issue dear to them and that important value drives their political selection.

So which party is the correct one?

We are a 501c3, meaning we do not and never will endorse a political party. Regardless of this legal restriction, we would not favor one political party, because we select something even more important.

We select God’s Word as our allegiance.

The correct choice has always been and will always be to follow God’s Word. Both major parties in America have Biblical stances. Yet, both have views that are not found in Scripture or even mentioned in God’s Word. Instead of having a political conversation in a dating relationship, the better conversation is how each of you align with God’s Word.

God’s Word is the Final Word.

We know happy couples that vote opposite parties in every election, some married for decades. Some choose to make it an issue of debate, while others eliminate political talk altogether to avoid confrontation. The happy medium in political issues is to seek God’s Word first and have the common ground that God’s Word is the final authority on all issues. The Bible may not directly speak to every political situation, but its values certainly gives guidance to all situations.

Politics and dating can be an issue in some relationships. The importance should be placed on being equally yoked with one another.

“ Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness

have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

– 2 Corinthians 6:14

It boils down to the common factor of having fellowship with one another in Christ as the foundation for all other relationships. Being joined in spiritual community is vital to select a person to date and perhaps even marry.

There are several factors to consider when dating, but one thing is certain–do not date based on political allegiance.

Date based on spiritual allegiance to Christ.

To Marry or Not: Living Together

TFO - Table for One Ministries- Ministry for Singles and Leaders to Singles - Blog - To Marry or Not- Living Together

As a leader in your singles ministry you will have a dating couple in your group at some point that choose to live together or have a couple come into your group already living together. Sometimes these cohabiting/fornicating/living in sin adults will find their way to a married adult class trying to pass off as a “normal married or engaged” couple. Regardless of the entry point into the church these adults are singles until the wedding day. Then comes the dilemma for the church.

This cohabiting couple wants to marry, but your pastor will not marry a couple living together. While there are many angles to this situation, the product of the church’s position has communicated to this couple to “let the state fix our problem and not the church.” Sure the minister can say separate until the wedding day, but reality is they are living together most likely to save money or they can not make enough to live alone. So demanding a move often never happens. After all, if the church denies the request for this couple to marry, they can go to the courthouse and in a week be married. The church must meet people where they are, but hold the line on what Scripture clearly says is a sin.

So will the same church who said no to the union now say yes to the marriage? Affirming that the state government can fix a situation that the church could not?

Single Myths: Every Lady Needs a Man

TFO - Table for One Ministries- Ministry for Singles and Leaders to Singles - Blog - Single Myths- Every Lady Needs a Man

Ladies, let’s be real.

Women on TV are often portrayed as going from one man to another, trying to find completeness in a partner–emotionally, sexually, and sometimes, spiritually.

The idea prevails that women need another person to be complete even if he is just a very close friend. Even strong, independent types seek someone to complete them. With all the improvements of women’s right and equality, our nation still finds a 30-year-old woman to be flawed if she is still single. It is one reason the average age for brides is consistently lower by a year or more than the groom.

At Table for One Ministries, we believe you are complete in Christ. We say it often because it’s the foundation for how we view relationships. Your relationship with Christ builds a respectful, loving, caring, and trusting attitude needed for all other relationships. We argue it’s not the man who makes the woman, but the woman who grows in Christ that makes her into a Proverbs 31 woman of faith.

Women, be like Annie Armstrong and Lottie Moon, go on mission for the Kingdom no matter the cost. Be like Mary, who may have been a single mother but raised a family that honored God and cared for our Savior. Be like Martha, who cried out to Jesus for help when Lazarus died but had faith Christ would bring him back to life.

Be bold for the kingdom as a woman. If your path brings you into a relationship with a man, your close relationship with Christ will be the foundation of knowing true love and give you the ability to be the best possible spouse.

Should I Date a Friend’s Ex?

TFO - Table for One Ministries- Ministry for Singles and Leaders to Singles - Blog - Should I Date a Friend's Ex-


What?  Was that answer too quick and easy? Does every blog have to be 1,000 words or more to truly get to the bottom of an issue?

Dating a friend’s ex can be complicated if feelings are still involved. It would not be something to rush into, but it is not something to be avoided. Sometimes the couple that breaks up still hang around each other because while they’ve determined they aren’t going to pursue marriage, they are still friends.

The principles at play are committed decisions and open, honest, communication. These are reflected in Matthew 5:37 and letting your yes be yes. When someone is dating they are committed to that relationship to see whether God will lead the friendship further into marriage. Once the couple determines their relationship will not progress beyond friendship, they are free to investigate other relationships.

We are not encouraging you end other friendships to seek this new one, but certainly friends committed to one another will not see this as a hostile act of aggression.

So why wait or avoid a friend’s ex when that person could be who God is calling you to date and possibly be your future spouse? The whole idea of putting friends before those you date is childish and unfounded. Be respectful to your friends and if you feel led, let them know you intend to ask their ex on a date. But you don’t need their blessing or permission to do so. They do not own or have “dibs” on that person for the rest of their life.

Follow God’s direction when dating, and let Him lead as you date. Dating is the only way to find out if someone is whom God has called you to marry. True friendships can handle adult relationships. Go for it!


Am I Still Single Because I Don’t Do the Bar Scene?

Take a look on TV, any show any network. In most every media outlet you are likely to see a stereotype of how singles meet: the bar. It may be a fancy place, or a hole in the wall, but most media are telling singles if they want to meet other singles they need to be in a bar or a club.

At the risk of sounding like we are not “hip,”  we are not anti-fun. Quite the opposite.  At Table for One, we want singles to go have fun with friends, responsibly, and that could result in visiting clubs and bars. Where Christians differ greatly with the rest of the world is knowing these locations are not the only place to find someone.

Likewise, you are not still single because you don’t go clubbing every weekend with your friends. If you are looking for someone to date, you need look where God calls you and where you enjoy life activities. That means you may find your special someone at a baseball game, walking, biking, or at church functions.

Don’t buy into the lie that the bar scene is for singles. Be unique and be who God called you to be and be where He called you to be. If it’s the Lord’s will, you will find the person you seek. But always remember, marriage isn’t the finish line.

Single Struggles: Is Online Dating for Christians?

Online dating is a tricky subject. Everyone knows someone who has found the love of their life online, and they are happily married with kids. This creates the idea that online dating is perfect in every way. At the same time, everyone is terrified of the person who lies about everything online in order to get a date. This goes along with the idea that those searching online must be at the “bottom of the barrel” in the dating world.

Table for One does not believe either of these extremes are true, though both sides make valid arguments.  We take the stance that when you are dating online recognize that the website you choose is not as committed to finding your soul-mate, but finding your wallet; not committed to your love, but to your wallet.  Online dating is BIG business and highly profitable with little overhead for most sites. That is why there is a dating site for almost every city in America and every country in the world. Advertisers lure visitors to buy their product and money is made.

So when do you make the jump and try online dating? Online dating sites are most useful as a method for making initial contact, not to develop a deep relationship. Only online date if your intention is to physically meet someone within a few digital communications. Choose public areas to meet and be realistic that some dates will be good and some will be bad. It takes time and interaction to get to know the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

What do you think? Do you date online?  What is your opinion of online dating? Respond below!

S.A.D. Day




Sure, some of you may call it Valentine’s Day. But in the singles ministry world, there is never a time of the year that makes your singleness more glaring than February 14th.

The retail world loves to pump up its importance, and there always seems to be a sappy love movie that comes out every year near this date that helps make things worse. Some of your singles may be looking and hoping for a spouse and others may not be looking at all. Regardless of where they are at, here is our suggestion for this time of the year.

We have seen SAD February 14th parties where singles gather and fellowship in support for one another. Don’t do it. You think this would work, but it normally doesn’t. Most of the time they are awkward for everyone and makes it all feel worse. Instead, take the focus away from single adults and the selfishness of not having someone and direct it towards serving others.

Have your singles ministry serve others leading up to February 14th. This can be a community project, hosting a couples event for senior adults, offering a parents’ night out to those who want to babysit, or any idea that take the focus away from inward focus. Whatever the event, make Valentine’s Day about serving others. Your singles ministry will be blessed for doing so. Instead of talking about not having anyone as a date, they can share about how they served others.

Some singles are more sensitive this time of the year and it varies vary depending on how long they’ve been single or what type of single they are. A divorced single may have to deal with the pain of not having someone this year for Valentine’s Day or a widow may be experiencing grief for the first time. Be aware of these background differences and be sensitive to how you lead and what you say regarding Valentine’s Day.

Acknowledge V-Day, but keep your focus on serving and honoring God.

You’re Married…You Wouldn’t Understand

As a married guy with a recent addition of a daughter, I had someone tell me this week that I “do not understand what it’s like to be single.” I have been married for just over two years, and I was single for 28 years. I know way more about being single than being a married dad. But the thing that bothers me most about this phrase is that people assume I don’t understand.

Before there was ever the prospect of a Mrs. Dunn, I was complete. I always wanted marriage and a family, but I also knew it would not complete me. However, I didn’t always feel this way. Just after graduating college in my early 20’s, I was alone and felt I was doomed to a life of being single and lonely. Sound familiar?

Then I joined a church singles ministry, and it forever changed my life. I had been saved since I was 10. Christ has always been a part of my life. However, for the first time ever I began to be COMPLETE in Christ. By the time I was mid to late 20’s, I was dating from time-to-time, but I was whole and did not need marriage to live a “full life.”

Cliches sometimes are so true. When I was least expecting a relationship, I found my wife. It was in the same month I’d told her I was done dating and wanted to focus on ministry! But God had bigger plans than I could see.

Marriage did not complete me and becoming a father did not complete me. Christ completed me.

We want Christ to be at the center of all you do. We know you will find completeness in Him. That is why, at the very core of what we do at Table for One Ministries, we communicate a simple message: Be Complete in Christ.