Being a single friendly church

Part 3: Be a Single Friendly Church

If you are joining us for the first time, please check out our first post on “Who are singles” to define who singles are and “How to connect singles to my group.” To not reach singles is to not reach your community . Being a single friendly church is more than a program or a ministry. It is embracing all types of singles and identifying their unique life stage and ways to engage them. Whether you are a lay leader or church staff member, all of us can help our churches SEE singles so we can reach singles.

Reach and Engage

Let’s start with naming each type of single adult. Then, look at one way to engage them in your church and one way to reach them in their community.

• Collegiate Singles 18-22
  • Engage: Involve them in leading, serving, and missions.
  • Reach: Create a group where non-academic 18-22 year-olds can connect.
• Singles Never Married 22+
  • Engage: Desire for community; don’t assume they want to date.
  • Reach: They searched the word “single” to find you but are not defined by it.
• Dating Singles
  • Engage: New dating possibilities are highly valued, and they are in and out of “dating.”
  • Reach: Growing groups with new guests often attract people looking to date.
• Engaged Singles
  • Engage: Offer a place to grow as a couple while still single.
  • Reach: Most engaged couples cohabitate and need help moving forward to be married.
• Divorced Singles
  • Engage: Transparent conversations mindful that marriages end and people are hurting.
  • Reach: Promote divorce recovery options and a place to connect to other singles.
• Single Parents
  • Engage: Never assume how they became a single parent; offer childcare for single parents.
  • Reach: Connect to other relationships as they are missing a co-parent for their family.
• Widows
  • Engage: Remember widows are of all ages and desire to be seen.
  • Reach: Offer environments to remember spouses and connect to new relationships.
• Same-Sex Attraction
  • Engage: Define the “win” as Complete in Christ, not marriage.
    each: Communicate our struggle with sin and victory only in Jesus.

Common Mistakes

Mistakes happen, and they are almost always from a place of misunderstanding. When it comes to our churches, being single-friendly starts with knowing the eight types of singles, how to reach and engage them, and then adapting our communication to include them. Here are some common missteps we see with churches trying to connect with everyone but often leaving out singles.

• “Mom or Dad, take the kids.”
  • When we communicate to the community and church for a parent to be childcare for events, we isolate more than 50% of families. 40% are single, and even more, are married but don’t have a trusted partner to leave the children with. On your next women’s or men’s event, don’t assume childcare is possible for everyone. Offer childcare options for everyone, even if you are not providing childcare for the event.
• “When you are married one day.”
  • Sermon illustrations and passing conversation encouragement sometimes assume a nuclear family. From being married, or you will be married, to having or desiring children. Jesus was single. The authors of most of the New Testament were single. Having a shared value of being “Complete in Christ” as a church will help your church communicate clearly to the person.
• “Date Night.”
  • One of the worst offenders is the use of date night in our churches. Who is going on a date? If you are a single parent, you might assume this is a night for you to go on a date and have childcare. If you are a dating single, you might think this is some singles mixer! Almost always, the church means date night for married couples to have a night off from the kids and enjoy dinner and a speaker. It seems trivial, but to reach singles, we need to see communication from their perspective, and we will communicate clearly to everyone.

You Hit What You Aim For

You have singles in your life right now. Maybe in your family, at work, a neighbor, or yourself. The question for a single friendly church is, will your leadership, sermons, and groups offer a place to connect for those singles. William Carry said, “Attempt great things for God, and expect great things from God.” At Table for One Ministries we want to empower you to reach your entire community. We would love to partner with your church and area churches to equip them to see single adults.