Single vs Married 3 Bucket List Differences

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A bucket list is a compiled list of ideas, experiences and achievements a person wants to do before “kicking the bucket” (dying). So how is that list different for a single adult versus a married adult? Here are three categories we see they are the same and three ways we see they are different.


How they list are the same:


  • Career Goals
    • Regardless of your life stage, many of us have career goals we would like to achieve in life. Be it a leadership role, working abroad, or finally finding that job that is not work because it is so much fun. Scripture is clear, we need to go and do what is the Lord’s will and seek to do good in James 4:13-17
      • Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.
  • Spiritual Goals
    • Whether single or married, our status should not affect our mandates found in Scripture. Love God, Love others (Matthew 22:36-40), Go and Tell (Acts 1:8), and to hear the word’s “Well done my good and faithful servant” (Luke 19:17). As followers of Christ, our spiritual goals are the same. We want to be more like Christ every day on this earth to see people come into a relationship with Him.
  • Vacation Goals
    • Often when people make a bucket list, it is full of destinations, locations, and activities to do. This is no different for single or married adults. Singles, you should be traveling as you feel led anywhere you want to go. Go visit those places, do those things, and share them on social media while you are at it. Smile.


Now, here is how they differ:



  • Relationship Goals
    • Relationships take forms in many ways. For singles, the idea of being married may not be one they are led to have or it could be an opportunity never opens for marriage to occur. Others have been married and experienced the pain of a failed marriage by divorce. There are others who expected to be with their spouse till death do they part, only to outlive them and find themselves single again. Colossians 2:9-10:
      • For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete…



  • Undivided Life Goals
    • Singles have the clear advantage to live a life that is not divided as our married counterparts. Married adults have to think about their spouse and children when making decisions about, well, everything. As a single adult you have the opportunity to go where God leads anytime, anywhere. This is the advantage the apostle Paul is speaking of in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35
      • I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.



  • “Passing the Baton” Goals
    • Singles define family differently. Investing in the next generation may not be your direct family. Married adults see this in passing on family stories to children and having children to care on their “legacy.” For singles, defining family in the broader sense than blood-related relatives open doors and opportunities for them to share their story with others for generations to come. Just because you do not have children, does not mean you cannot pass on wisdom for the generations to come. Look to serve by sharing experiences and knowledge with others throughout all your life and let it be said of all of us in Psalm 71:18:
      • Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come.

The World is Not Safe! Man Up! (Why banning Muslims is not a good idea)

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I get it. I do. We all want to be safe where we sleep, work, shop, and live. We see a threat and we want to eliminate it. We naively believe that if we simply rid ourselves of all perceived threats that we will be safe, or at least be safer. The reality is that the world is not a safe place! It ceased to be safe the moment Eve took a bite of the forbidden fruit and handed it to Adam. Murder and mayhem have ensued ever since Cain struck Able with a rock. We live in a world where evil and good are at war. There have been many horrendous acts of terror throughout history and there will be many more before it is through.

With every shooting – well not every shooting only those the media or politicians feel they can use for their agendas – we witness a call to action. These actions take many forms. We should ban all weapons. We should ban some weapons. We should make it harder to get weapons. We should beef up our monitoring of phone calls and social media. The latest, and perhaps the most audacious: we should ban all Muslims from entering the US, monitor or shut down their places of worship, and develop a nation wide database of all Muslims in our country.

Some of these have merit, some are simply unattainable and therefore unrealistic, and some of these are absolutely ridiculous and completely dangerous to the American way of life and Christianity.

I, and many others, would argue that actions targeting Muslims falls into the latter category. On the surface it would appear to make sense that we target Muslims. It is radical Islamic teachings that inspire jihadists to take up arms and commit despicable acts of evil in the name of their god. And these are not just isolated incidents committed by a few lunatics. I will admit that it is pretty widespread throughout the world.

However when we allow the targeting of a specific religion in the US and begin to infringe upon their religious liberties, liberties granted Muslims in the same constitution that grants Christians those same liberties, we open the door to losing our own freedoms. We corrupt the very principles our great nation was found upon.

If you don’t understand how this could happen, then you are either living under the false assumption that the world around you likes Christianity or you are living out a such a milquetoast version of Christianity that no one finds it offensive.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but the argument that you would make to justify stripping away the Muslim’s religious liberties is that your right to live in relative safety far outweighs a Muslim’s right to practice his or her religion. That is to say, the teachings of Islam are contrary to the American way of life and therefore it is a justifiable action to shut them down or at least monitor and control what they are teaching to make sure they don’t infringe upon your rights or safety.
Perhaps you have already followed the trail in your head, but in case you are still so incensed and angered over the latest shooting that you can’t see the future, let me spell it out for you. These are the very same arguments that the LGBT community has been saying about Christianity. Or, for that matter, even Planned Parenthood made the same argument that Christian teaching and the actions of those who are pro-life caused the lunatic in Colorado to walk into a Planned Parenthood clinic and open fire.

If you want to help make that argument for the Left, then go ahead but don’t be so naïve to believe it wont come back to haunt you. Christians should always stand for religious freedom and liberty. Because when we allow our country to become selective in it’s application, we cut our own throats. But then again, perhaps you are too busy running scared or angry to see the truth. If that’s the case, man up!

What is the Answer?

Listen to me, we live in a dangerous world. We won’t be truly safe until the Lord returns and restores order. I understand that you want to live in relative safety, I do, but let’s be smart about how we seek that safety. Let’s not overreact in fear, or anger. Neither is an option for the Christian. Let us be smart in our actions, not reacting but being proactive. So what can we do?

First, live out your faith, really live it out! Share with your family, friends, and co-workers about the love of a redemptive Father; the radical love of our God, so radical that he would send his son on a rescue mission to save all who would believe. But don’t stop at talking about love; show it by how you live. Look out for the poor, orphaned and widowed. Look around you there is someone in need close by. Put more into caring for others than you do for yourself. Pray for your enemies and seek to do good.

Second, prepare yourself for the inevitable confrontation with evil. I assure you It will come whether we ban all Muslims from our country or not. It wasn’t a Muslims who opened fire on a school in Colorado, or a church in Texas, or Movie Theater, or a college in Virginia and the list goes on and on.

So actively prepare yourself to defend your loved ones and other peaceful citizens from those who would seek to do us physical harm. Be watchful and alert. If you are trained, carry a weapon and visit your local gun range on a regular basis to stay sharp. I believe that the our government should establish a program whereby veterans who are willing, can receive training and be equipped to defend others in the event of a mass shooting or other act of terror. We train rebels and equip foreign rebels, why not our own citizens.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau there are 5.2 million veterans who have served in the Gulf War era. This is the demographic that I fit into. These are citizens who have already received some training with firearms from the government and have already demonstrated the willingness to defend our nation and it’s citizens. I say, arm and train us on how to react in the event of a mass shooting or other terrorist event. Give us access to shooting ranges, weapons and ammunition so that we can stay sharp.

Above all accept the fact that we do not live in a safe place, we never have, so man up! Refuse to give into fear, anger, hatred or the desire to seek revenge. Live each day with uninhibited love for your fellow man and with the reality that you may be called upon to give your life in the defense of another, either figuratively or literally.

– James Brown

Be An Adult

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So when do you become an adult?

Is it when you get keys to your first car at age 16?
At 18 when you can make your own legal decisions?
At 21 when you can legally drink alcohol?
When you move away from home?
When you get your first job?
When you can pay all your own bills?
When you get married?

Defining adulthood is nothing short of impossible. The idea that an age, ceremony, or responsibility defines adulthood gives no target of what it means to be an adult. So we find adults of all ages acting like children and youths acting like adults. So maybe the best way to define being an adult is to say it is a mindset.

Paul, while talking about love, speaks to knowing true love by laying down the things that made him a child and acting like an adult. James reminds us that we are but a vapor in this life and time is short so we need to ask the Lord what is His will for our life. (James 1:13-17)

Maybe adulthood is what Paul asserts happened when we realize this life is a vapor as James explains. A mindset of adulthood embraces the reality of time (1 Corinthians 13:11). Time that has passed and is passing and will not always be present. One way to see this is by decision-making.

What was it that made you say “I’m an adult now”?

The Beta Marriage: How Millennials Approach ‘I Do’

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Repost from Time Magazine

You could say I beta-tested my relationship.

It’s a joke, kind of — except that when it comes to millennials and marriage, the beta test may be par for the course. And really, why wouldn’t it be? For a generation reared on technology, overwhelmed by choice, feedback and constant FOMO, isn’t testing a marriage, like we test a username, simply … well, logical?

The findings of a new survey certainly reveal so. In conjunction with a new television drama, Satisfaction, which premiered on USA Network last week, trend researchers asked 1,000 people about their attitudes toward marriage. They found all sorts of things: among them, that people cheat on the Internet (uh huh), that young people don’t think their relationships are like their parents’ (of course), and that everyone seems to have taken to the term uncoupling (yuck).

They also uncovered a surprising gem. Buried in the data was the revelation that almost half of millennials (43%, and higher among the youngest subset) said they would support a marriage model that involved a two-year trial — at which point the union could be either formalized or dissolved, no divorce or paperwork required. Thirty-three percent said they’d be open to trying what researchers dubbed the “real estate” approach — marriage licenses granted on a five-, seven-, 10- or 30-year ARM, after which the terms must be renegotiated. And 21% said they’d give the “presidential” method a try, whereby marriage vows last for four years but after eight you can elect to choose a new partner.

In total, nearly half of all of those surveyed, ages 18 to 49 — and 53% of millennials — thought marriage vows should be renewed, and nearly 40% said they believed the “till death do us part” vow should be abolished. In other words: Beta marriages! Unions you can test and deglitch, work out kinks or simply abandon course without consequence. “This is a generation that is used to this idea that everything is in beta, that life is a work in progress, so the idea of a beta marriage makes sense,” the study’s author, Melissa Lavigne-Delville, tells me. “It’s not that they’re entirely noncommittal, it’s just that they’re nimble and open to change.”

It’s not a new concept, entirely. In the 1970s, the anthropologist Margaret Mead predicted the growing popularity of “serial monogamy,” involving a string of monogamous marriages. Helen Fisher, the biological anthropologist, has advocated for much of the same: she believes humans aren’t meant to be together forever, but in short-term, monogamous relationships of three or four years. Stephanie Coontz, the author of Marriage: A History, has advised a marriage contract “reup” every five years — or before every major transition in life — “with a new set of vows that reflect what the couple has learned.”

More recently, Mexico City lawmakers proposed (unsuccessfully) a “renewable” marriage concept, whereby couples could simply renew or dissolve their unions after a period of two years. It’s not so unlike the setup described by a young writer in a Modern Love column in the New York Times last month, about how she overcomes “marriage anxiety” by renewing her vows with her husband every year like clockwork. “I think people are indeed trying to avoid failure,” says Andrew Cherlin, the author of The Marriage-Go-Round.

And, why wouldn’t they? The U.S. has the highest divorce rate in the Western world. The data show clearly that the longer we wait to get married the more successful our marriages will be. And it’s not like we can’t move in together in the meantime: the rate of unmarried cohabitation has risen 1,000% over the past four decades. Not all of our marriages will work, no — but when they do, they’ll work better than at any other time in history, say scholars. And when they don’t, why not simply avoid the hassle of a drawn-out divorce?

“Millennials aren’t scared of commitment — we’re just trying to do commitment more wisely,” says Cristen Conger, a 29-year-old unmarried but cohabitating podcast host in Atlanta. “We rigorously craft our social media and online dating profiles to maximize our chances of getting a first date, and ‘beta testing’ is just an extension of us trying to strategize for future romantic success.”

In an era where, according to the survey, 56% of women and men think a marriage can be successful even if it doesn’t last forever, that might just make sense. Scholars have observed for some time that attitudes toward divorce have become more favorable over the past decade. Millennials in particular are more likely to view divorce as a good solution to matrimonial strife, according to the sociologist Philip Cohen — and more likely to believe it should be easier to obtain.

And, of course, it’s easy to understand why. We’re cynical. We are a generation raised on a wedding industry that could fund a small nation, but marriages that end before the ink has dried. (As one 29-year-old survey respondent put it: “We don’t trust that institution.”) We are also less religious than any other generation, meaning we don’t enter (or stay) committed simply for God. We feel less bound to tradition as a whole (no bouquet tosses here).

And while we have among the highest standards when it comes to a partner — we want somebody who can be a best friend, a business partner, a soul mate — we are a generation that is overwhelmed by options, in everything from college and first jobs to who we should choose for a partner. “This is a generation who has not had to make as many long-term commitments as previous generations, so the idea of not having an out feels a little stringent,” says Lavigne-Delville. “Divorce has happened for a long time. Maybe we should rethink the rules.”

Indeed, at the end of the day, whatever you want to say about the hookup generation, or millennials’ inability to commit, the vast majority (69%, according to Pew) of millennials still want to get married. We simply need a little extra time to work out the kinks.

“Getting married is so much more weighted today, I get the impulse to want to test it,” says Hannah Seligson, the 31-year-old married author of A Little Bit Married, about 20-somethings and long-term unmarried relationships. At the same time, she adds, “I wonder if this is a false control study in a way. Yes, marriage terrifying, it’s probably the biggest leap of faith you’ll ever make. But you’ll never be able to peer into a crystal ball — or map it out on a spreadsheet.”

Bennett is a contributing columnist at covering the intersection of gender, sexuality, business and pop culture. A former Newsweek senior writer and executive editor of Tumblr, she is also a contributing editor for Sheryl Sandberg’s women’s foundation, Lean In.