Could You Marry in 90 Days?

TLC has launched a show where people meet online, are together for 90 days, and in the end they have to get married or break up. So the question arises, could you meet someone and marry them in 90 days?

Marriage is a big deal! But also a big deal for some singles is the need/desire to be married…and soon. Some singles are facing a biological clock to start a family, while others are just tired of being alone. But, most of the people on the show are missing one key relationship in their life. A relationship with Christ.

A relationship with Christ makes us whole. It puts together the broken pieces of our lives.

God gives His only Son as a payment for our sins. It is sacrificial love we don’t deserve but is freely given to us to accept and have a relationship with our Creator. So, the question then is why do you “have to get married in 90 days?” Why is there such a rush to fill a void in life when Christ has already done that for those who have accepted him.

Single adult Christ-follower, hear us. Do not make a life-long decision based on a short-term relationship.

It is not the 90 days being engaged on the show that’s the problem, it is the years behind it that make a marriage. Be Complete in Christ. Let marriage be the icing on the top of the cake instead of the whole cake. When you approach dating with this mindset, then you will make good decisions empowered by prayer that will lead to a life that honors Christ.

Can you find a spouse in 90 days? Sure, but is that what God wants you to do?

Missing the Kids

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A man walks into a fall festival at his church. The look on his face is weathered from the years of addiction that has cut him off from his children. Where did it all go wrong? It seems like just a few moments ago he was taking his kids trick or treating and now he’s a single parent looking for a place to feel loved. He made a decision for Christ a few months back but relationships were too far gone and seem as if they will never be healed.

There is a single parent in your church with a story just like this or close to it. He or she is looking for a place to connect, but will they find it? Singles ministry is not just for the 20-something-never-married or single moms with preschoolers; no, it’s a place where love is shown to all backgrounds and commonality in their relationship status.

Churches that do not target singles of all backgrounds miss the opportunity to minister to people like this. Single parents come in many backgrounds and ages, but where they connect is up to the local church and the opportunities they offer. Psalm 68:6 “God sets the lonely in families.”

Within an effective singles ministry, the single father described above arrives early to help with festivals and be a part of something on a day where they would have just been alone. They serve with fellow singles that have become a second family over the past few weeks since attending. They go home still remembering what was, but now with hope of what is to come.

Singles Struggles: Baby Envy

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Maternal instincts for some women are deep and for single women this causes a challenging problem. Some single women have a deep desire to be mothers, some more than others. For those ladies who have this deep desire, but have not found a spouse to share this with, this post is for you. God made you uniquely as you are and this desire is no less important as a single woman than a married woman. He knows when you walk past others mothers with children, your heart breaks because you desire the same for your life. This desire is baby envy. This is nothing new to the world. In fact, it even happened in Scripture in 1 Samuel 1:1-20. Hannah wanted a child so much, and was in anguish to the point that when she prayed her lips moved without making a sound, causing Eli to think she was drunk. The Lord heard Hanna and answered her prayers.

For the single ladies who are not single mothers, God knows the desires of your heart, Psalm 37:4. But you also need to prioritize your relationship with God and allow that to help you emotionally with your desires to be a mother. There is nothing wrong with having those emotions, but the Lord will give you ways to be around children if you ask Him to. Focus on finding ways to be around children, volunteer in places where that desire for you to mother will be met. This may be your church, a local organization, through your married adult friends that have children, or through extended family.

In a conversation with a lifelong single adult missionary, she talked about how she accepted not being able to be married and have children. The older she got the more of a reality it became that a family may not be in the cards for her. So she focused on serving those around her with families and offering them “nights out” frequently to help their marriages and allow her time to express her motherly instincts. It does not fully replace a family of your own, but the Lord will provide you strength in that area of your life if you allow Him.

Lastly, you never know at what age the Lord will provide someone in your life to marry. That person may also have children they are bringing into the relationship that provides an instant family for you to serve. Also, some ladies may choose to adopt a child in need while as a single adult. While not common, this it becoming increasingly possible and an option if the Lord leads you down that path. Trust in the Lord your God in everything (even wanting children) and He will provide the path for you to follow, Proverbs 3:5!

Freedom in Confession

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

James 5:16

Confession is an interesting thing. Until you have confessed with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord, you can not be saved, Romans 10:9. So clearly if it is important enough that you confess that Christ is Lord to know Him, then what about our sins? Acts 3:19 says that we need to repent of our sins and they will be wiped away.

We know at Table for One Ministries that as a single adult, having a community surrounding you and supporting you is vital. You need a place where you can share your sins with others and let others pray for you. That opportunity comes through a small group. If you don’t have one, find a place where you can join a small group, hopefully with other single adults that share your same walk of life.

“Why a small group?” people ask. Sunday School, Bible Study, Cell Groups, whatever you call them, they are small groups of believers joining together to study God’s Word and share their burdens. These are safe places to confess sins to one another. Challenge yourself as a participant to show up to each meeting with a real prayer request for the group to pray for you and come prepared to pray for others.

Is your family keeping you single?

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This article is written by on Yahoo and is an interesting look on a single’s life and what is keeping singles, single. Family relationships can be hard to navigate as a single. The longer you are single, the harder it seems to get. Your vote in the family feels devalued and this is only exacerbated if you have siblings who are married with children. Also, family can be too involved in your life as a single adult. It may be time to set-up some boundaries with your parents in regards to finances and making decisions. Alternatively, those singles who don’t have parents miss out on the support structure of family. While this is hard, it should not be the reason to keep you from getting out there and finding someone.

Here is the link to the article, it is well written and worth a read. What do you think? Are Parents “crampin” your style as a single?

Choose: Christmas or Easter?

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Christmas: Christ was born! God became man in flesh to be 100% God and 100% man. His birth is God’s way of offering a perfect sacrifice for all mankind’s sins. Not to mention all the Christmas lights, trees, Christmas music, giving and receiving gifts, and time with family. Christmas is pretty awesome.

Easter: The child born fully man and fully God is fulfilling prophecy the week leading up to his crucifixion. His apostles break bread with Him and celebrate Passover.  Then, Jesus is arrested and brutally attacked and hung on a cross to die, and He did. But on the third day, He rose again, defeating death and He awaits His Followers to join Him in Heaven! There are also Cadbury eggs, Easter bunnies, baskets of candies as gifts, hunting for eggs with kids, and great music about Christ’s sacrifice. Easter is pretty awesome.

What if someone asked you to choose? Could you choose one event as more important than the other? It’s a hard choice, right? Luckily, we don’t have to choose. Christ’s life from beginning, to end, to resurrection is something to be celebrated all year long.

It is a fun question to ask of Followers of Christ, but what about your friends and co-workers? How would they choose? Would it be a decision based on how the world defines these holidays or how Scripture defines them?

Believers need to be bold in how we celebrate these holidays to demonstrate what they mean to us. Be firm in your holiday celebrations. Keep the focus where it should be, but have fun with the rest too.

Use a simple gift to share the gift of Christ, as a way to connect with friends, coworkers, and neighbors. Share the gift and give non-believers the truth on these holidays.

How to Give Joy to Your Children at Christmas

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“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Romans 12:18

For single moms or dads, Christmas brings added anxieties. You worry about getting your children something they will like while remaining within your budget. You worry the non-custodial parent will get your child something nicer than your purchase.

And then there’s the question of whom will the child spend Christmas? Will they be with you or the other parent? Will they spend time with both of you on Christmas Day? What about the hand-off? Will you be seeing former in-laws? You know, the ones who hate you and blame you for everything?

Let me begin by saying first–Christmas is about Christ. Keep the focus on Him  and let everything else fall into place. We get so wrapped up in the “what ifs” of life that they can steal our joy of the season.

How do we keep the focus on Him? Remember, Christmas is a celebration of the greatest gift ever given. It is a time to focus on not just the miracle of the birth, but the entire gospel story. The greatest gift has already been given; nothing can top it, so stop trying! You will only feed yours and your child’s selfish desires. Give sensible gifts within your budget. Make Christmas a time of worship, not materialistic hedonism. You and your kids will be thankful and better off in the long-term.

Remember, after honoring God in this season, your second priority is your children. They need unconditional love and comfort. They need demonstrations of unconditional love! Remember, as a Christian, you are called to love and live in peace with everyone. Yes, even the ex. That doesn’t mean giving them a kiss or putting yourself in harm’s way. It does mean you need to show love and respect to the other parent, especially in front of your children. Bad mouthing, slinging insults, and trashing your ex or their family will only hurt your children.

Additionally, children thrive on routine and solid expectations. This means they need to know what is happening and when. If you and your ex can agree on a consistent experience for your child, then make plans and follow through. Tell your kids when they will go and return. If the other parent is undependable or does not know for sure if they can be there to pick up the child, then find a time when they can follow through.

Remember above all, we need to be pointing our children to Christ and setting good examples for them. If you do this, they will have a Happy New Year.