Dating after divorce can bring its own unique set of challenges and complexities, especially for Christians who seek to honor God in their relationships. When dating someone who has been divorced, it’s important to approach the relationship with care, understanding, and biblical wisdom. Asking the right questions early on can help you assess compatibility, uncover potential red flags, and determine if your values align. In this post, we will explore four key questions to ask a date who has been divorced while keeping in mind that our ultimate completeness comes from Christ, not from a spouse.
1. What have you learned from your past marriage?
Understanding the lessons someone has taken away from their divorce can reveal a lot about their character, growth, and readiness for a new relationship. Divorce can be a painful and transformative experience, but for many, it also offers opportunities for personal reflection and spiritual growth. Ask your date what they have learned about themselves, their relationship with God, and their approach to marriage. Have they recognized areas in their own life that need healing or growth? Are they more mature and self-aware as a result of their past experiences?
According to statistics from Table for One Ministries, 25% of Christian adults in the U.S. are divorced. For many of these individuals, their relationship with God has deepened through the healing process. As you ask this question, be sure to listen for indicators of how your date has navigated this difficult chapter of their life with faith and grace. This will help you determine if they are approaching your relationship from a place of healing and wholeness.
2. How has your relationship with Christ grown through this experience?
One of the most important aspects of any Christian relationship is the spiritual health of both individuals. When asking a date who has been divorced about their faith, it’s essential to understand how their relationship with Christ has developed during and after their divorce. Have they drawn closer to God, relying on Him for comfort, strength, and direction? Has the experience of divorce brought them to a deeper understanding of grace, forgiveness, and redemption?
This question ties into the broader biblical truth that all believers—married, single, or divorced—are complete in Christ. Colossians 2:10 reminds us, “And in Christ you have been brought to fullness.” Our completeness does not come from another person, but from our relationship with Jesus. When dating someone who has been divorced, it’s crucial to assess whether they are finding their ultimate identity and fulfillment in Christ, not in seeking to fill a void through a new relationship.
3. What role did faith play in your previous marriage?
It’s important to understand how faith factored into your date’s previous marriage. Was it a cornerstone of their relationship, or was it something they struggled to maintain? Perhaps their faith grew stronger as they navigated the challenges of marriage, or maybe the lack of a shared faith contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. Understanding these dynamics will give you a clearer picture of how important faith is to them now and how it might influence your potential relationship moving forward.
Table for One Ministries notes that many Christian singles who have gone through divorce are committed to finding a partner who shares their faith and values. Divorce can often bring clarity to what one needs in a future spouse, including the importance of shared spiritual beliefs. When asking this question, you’re not only gauging your date’s past but also discovering their vision for the future—particularly when it comes to building a Christ-centered relationship.
4. What boundaries and healing processes have you put in place since your divorce?
Boundaries are essential for ensuring emotional health and relationship success. When dating someone who has been divorced, it’s crucial to understand what steps they’ve taken to heal and protect their heart post-divorce. Have they gone through counseling or sought spiritual guidance? Are they intentional about maintaining healthy boundaries with their ex-spouse, especially if children are involved? This question can also help you discern if your date has truly moved on from their previous relationship and is ready to start a new one.
Statistics show that 41% of first marriages end in divorce, and the numbers rise for second and third marriages. These statistics highlight the importance of approaching dating after divorce with wisdom and caution. Knowing what boundaries your date has set up to guard their heart—and yours—can help you both navigate the relationship with care and mutual respect.
Finding Completeness in Christ
Asking these four questions is not about being overly cautious or skeptical. Instead, it’s about fostering open communication and ensuring that both you and your date are in a healthy place—emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. The ultimate goal for any Christian relationship should be to honor God and grow in faith together. However, it’s essential to remember that no relationship, whether with someone who has been divorced or not, can provide the completeness that only Christ offers.
Colossians 2:10 serves as a reminder that we are “complete in Christ.” Whether single, married, or divorced, our identity and fulfillment come from our relationship with Jesus, not from another person. When we find our wholeness in Him, we can approach relationships from a place of strength and confidence, knowing that our worth is not dependent on another person but is firmly rooted in our Savior.
Dating someone who has been divorced requires understanding, patience, and discernment. By asking these thoughtful questions and focusing on being complete in Christ, you can lay a foundation for a healthy and Christ-centered relationship, regardless of your date’s past.
